Gone for the weekend
by zwn
Summary: I’m going to be home alone. I never thought that would happen, not after the last time. [oneshot,humor]


**Name:** Gone for the weekend.  
**Author: **Zwn  
**Genre: **Humor (oneshot)  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter. Are we clear? Great.  
**Authors Note: **This is supposed to be funny. Amusing. Entertaining, if you will. Don't you just love plotbunnies? Anyway, like I mentioned above; this is a oneshot and will remain so. If you read it and enjoy it let me know! If you read it and don't like it, let me know in a nice way!

* * *

Mum and dad is going away for the weekend. I'm going to be home alone. I never thought that would happen, not after the last time - when the house kind of burned down. But it wasn't my fault. And not Remus' fault. And not Peters fault. It was Sirius clumsy-idiot-always-in-the-way-can't-do-a-thing-right Blacks fault. Of course, they have set up some **Do's and Don'ts.**

_'-Don't make a mess'_

Yeah, right. I can promise them that a hundred of times. I'll still make a mess.

_'-But when you do, be sure to clean up!'_

They know me too well.

_'-Eat real food! At least once a day'_

Like that's going to happen when we have a pantry filled with cookies!

_'-Be sure to brush your teeth when you've eaten all the cookies'_

Once again; they know me too well!

_'-Don't invite anyone over!'_

The marauders will be here, of course.

'_- And tell Remus, Peter and Sirius to be careful'_

This is starting to get scary!

_'-You can be anywhere in the house, but we don't want anyone in our room'_

Fair enough. But I **am** going to get their brooms later.

_'- We put our brooms in your room, so you wont have to get them'_

They do know how my mind work. On the other hand, they **did** raise me.

_'-Don't go to the muggle village!'_

We are **so** going there! Last time was hilarious! We pretended to be retards.

_'-And when you do, DON'T act like retards'_

Okay, not retards then. But Sirius had this theory about acting like we were being hunted by several psychos who were going to rape us and then kill us with axes.

_'- And don't act like you're murders, being hunted, being women, or anything else'_

They won't know it we do it anyway..

_'- And we will find out if you do!'_

Crap.

_'-Be polite when someone visits'_

It was Sirius who told the neighbors to piss off!

_'- And don't let Sirius answer the door!'_

Guess that problem's out of the way.

_'- If Grandma visits, don't make fun of her just because she's senile'_

Hah! Last time I managed to convince her that she owed me ten galleons! She also believed me when I told her that she actually was Jana Richie, a famous actress! She talked for weeks about all her upcoming movies! Yeah, mum and dad was really pissed. But they never found out about the money.

_'- And don't try to trick her into giving you any money, mister!'_

Okay, maybe they did..

_'-And James, for gods sake, don't burn the house down!'_

It was Sirius Bloody Black! He thought it would be funny to test those muggle things that you use to make fire - not me! He ran down to the village and bought those things - not me! He was the one telling Remus to stop nagging about how it wasn't a good idea - not me! He was the one lighting the stupid stick - not me! And he was the one dropping it - NOT ME!

_'- We know what you're thinking dear. That it actually was Sirius' fault.'_

That's right.

_'-So just don't let him do anything stupid, okay?'_

That will be hard. Everything he does is stupid.

_'- We know it will be hard, but just do your best! We will be home by Monday!'_

A lot of things I can't do, and they're only gone for like three days.

'_- And don't play Quidditch where the muggles can see you! That was a lot of unnecessary paperwork! Bye kiddo!'_

Finally! The house is now available for me and my fellow-marauders! I think I'm going to celebrate with a cookie or two before they show up. Wait, what's this? Another patch.

_'Haha. James, you really are naïve! You didn't really think we were going to let you stay by yourself after the last time, did you? No way! Aunt Cheryl's going to watch you for the weekend. She should be here by 2 o'clock. We've already sent letters to Sirius, Remus and Peter - so they know they aren't allowed here. And we've emptied the house on cookies and sweets, just to be safe, there should be some apples though!  
See you Monday'_

Great. Fabulous. Fantastic. Marvelous. Amazing. Excellent. And all other positive, ironic words you can possibly imagine. I'm going to spend the weekend with Aunt Bloody Cheryl, the marauders wont be here, and I can't have any cookies! They wrote something on the back too. I wonder what? Probably that I'm not allowed to eat, or laugh, or sleep, or maybe I'm not allowed to breath? Like it's not enough I have to spend the weekend without my friends or any cookies, alone with Aunt Bloody Cheryl.

'_Don't call your Aunt anything inappropriate!'_


End file.
